1. I cried.
For me, not for them. But you can read all about that in my last post.
2. I threw a lot of stuff out.
No, not their third grade book reports (not yet). Or their stuffed animals (not all of them). I threw out old, smelly sneakers (they couldn't bear to part with?) And some of my own junk too. All the stuff I thought I would need some day. Like bills from 1999. Really? Out.
I'm not sure why throwing things out feels so good -- a feeling of starting over? Well, I'm not starting over, exactly, I'm starting again, but back to that another time.
3. I started to write.
My thoughts were all jumbled up inside my head, and I knew, from a long time ago, that the best (not the easiest, but the best) way to un-jumble was to write it all down. And make it make sense. Which I'm doing. I think.
4. I made my writing public.
Big leap for me."What will they think?" used to stop me. Now it starts me. I need the connection. I'm really curious: What do you think? Are you going through all this too?
5. I allowed myself to answer the question, "What what would you do if you could do anything?"
Because I can, now. Do anything, really. So I admitted (to myself) what I really want to do with all that education and all that wisdom I've invested (intensely and wholeheartedly) in my family for the last 24 (!) years.
And I'm keeping that answer to myself for now, because it's new and a little fragile to me. But I'll keep you posted.
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